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Spring - luna_ann

sea_thoughts


The Sea of Stars

Water-stained pages, pebbles and traces of stardust


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Worst.Prose.Ever.
Laughter - fizzlingwhizbee
sea_thoughts
Everybody on my flist needs to read this. I have read my share of Mills & Boon novels. I have read Virginia Andrews. But nothing - NOTHING - I have read in my life compares to the quality of this prose, which is so bad that it has inverted the space-time continuum and come out 'good'. When I say 'good', I mean it's hilarious. If you thought Stephenie Meyer was bad... this is worse i.e. even funnier. And I honestly didn't think that was possible.

Read it and weep... with laughter
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Another friend of mine linked to that... it's sooooo hilariously awful. I mean, how could they keep going like that for two whole pages!?!

Honey, the whole BOOK is like that, if you read the LJ entry. She actually scanned the next four pages to prove it!

I was too frightened to read more.

But it gets even BETTER (I mean, worse).

Even WORSE? Now I'm actually kind of tempted...

"The muscles in her legs were like hungry anacondas."

That's ALL I'm going to say. XD

*ahem* It could sadly be worse....

Here is the Amazon review (I hope you can open it - if not I'll put the text in comments)
http://www.amazon.com/review/R1LPA5YOND6TGD/ref=cm_cr_rdp_perm

This is his website - you've been warned....
http://www.aaronscryptofgorgothica.com/page5.html

Oh WOW. That is truly awful! Though I still think the previous one wins for the sheer amount of ridiculous similes.

HAHAHAHA wow. This is absolutely horrendous.

Favorite bits:

"Her face had the fragrance of a gibbous moon. The scent of fresh snow. Her eyes were dark birds in fresh snow."

"Her tongue was a ferret, an anemone, a fox caught in the teeth of a tiger."

But the very best metaphor is this:

"Her pubes was a field of wheat after the harvest."

Oh my god. TWO PAGES of hemorrhage-inducing metaphors... You are quite right, Meyers is Tolkien in comparison to this guy.

ISN'T IT?

Her face had the fragrance of a gibbous moon.

I KNOW! What does that even MEAN? Quick, phone the astrologers, the moon SMELLS. Unless he's going on the assumption that the moon is made of green cheese... and then her face must STINK!

But the very best metaphor is this:

"Her pubes was a field of wheat after the harvest."


ROFLMAO! I have a soft spot for "her sex was like the rainforest, the ibis, the scarab"... whaaaaaaaat?

Meyers is Tolkien in comparison to this guy.

His prose is well-crafted but too much of it gives me mental indigestion because it's so heavy. However, at least he knows when to stop.

Oh, wow. I seriously cannot stop laughing about this.

But I agree, I tried to tackle the Silmarillion but it was a bit too much.

I have read the LotR trilogy (it was a looooong time ago now) but The Hobbit is still my favourite Tolkein book. It has the perfect balance of action and description and there's so much backstory...

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